HOW TO LIVE PEACEFULLY
                         WITH YOUR CHILD

                      By Elizabeth Bronsil

Reprinted from the Fall 1993 issue of Montessori Life, the official
magazine of the American Montessori Society. AMS members receive
a free subscription to Montessori Life. Non-members may subscribe
for $29 per year by sending a check payable to American Montessori
Society, 150 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10011-4384.

     Perceptive parents know that there is more to a child's
behavior than meets the eye.
     When a baby is born, it is important that he have a family
circle to rejoice over his arrival.  The child's first cry is a
protest to the trauma of birth.  This helpless infant is dependent
on its main caregiver for food, comfort, and communication. 
Erikson calls this first stage of life one of trust.  Trust comes
from the outside in.  The child cries; the caregiver responds and
takes care of its needs.  The child begins to trust the adult and
the environment.  The child's sense of trust begins to become an
inner strength that she will need as she moves through life. 
     The physical closeness, the cuddling, the cooing are
imperatives for the healthy, emotional development of the infant. 
The child and the caregiver need to listen to each other in order
to create harmony.  An important activity at this age is turn-
taking in the art of communication.  The child speaks (makes
noises) and the parent listens.  The parent responds and the child
listens.  This is one of the most fascinating activities to observe
in the infant's life.  It is important for the child to develop
trust in this first stage of life so that she can trust the
environment she will explore as a toddler.
     Movement for the young child is nourishment for physical
growth.  The child's struggles to sit up, crawl, climb, and walk
are all part of natural development.  There is nothing we can do
to teach these natural movements, but we can provide a safe
environment for their development.  The child becomes the explorer. 
Erikson labels this stage as one of autonomy.  The child's favorite
themesong is "Me do it myself."  This can be a very stressful time
for the parent because the child moves quickly and doesn't tire in
this quest to accomplish his goals. The environment must have a
safe place to climb, safe furniture to support him, safe toys to
play with, and ever-watchful adult who does not interfere with the
exploring unless it involves the child's safety.  The toddler will
spend a ling time with a toy or with movement and does not like to
be interrupted.
     To lower stress for the toddler:
     .  Give the child plenty of time.
     .  To mark a change of activity:  Use a timer; when it rings,
it will be time for a bath.  Use puppets; pretend the puppet is
     talking to the child (e.g., the puppet tells the child it is
time for dinner!)
     .  Let the child do as much for herself as possible.  Put
clothes in a bottom drawer.  Put toys on low shelves.  Put snacks
on a low table.
     .  Provide water, sand, blocks, dolls, books, trucks and many
other toys.  Play is the child's way of learning about the world.
     .  Give the child the name of everything in the environment.
     .  Allow the child to be curious.  It is a sign of
intelligence!
     .  Do not pressure the child to do things that are not
developmentally appropriate.
     The child in Erikson's third stage brings trust and autonomy
to the preschool years and will begin to use initiative.  Many
children enter preschool at this age, and they need to be with
early childhood educators who believe that a child can make choices
(and choices based on the child's interests, than the adults'). 
Living peacefully with our children means that we provide
activities.  Erikson and Piaget stress that preschool-age children
are into play and imitation.  They need time to do this in their
world in order to develop their imaginations.  Children need
parents who respect this facet of their development.  As Sartre has
told us, "After all, it doesn't assume me very much to make
mudpies, to scribble, to perform my natural functions...for these
to have value in my eyes, at least one grown-up must go into
rapture over my products!"
     To live peacefully with preschool children:  
     .  Allow them to choose which clothes to wear.
     .  Provide appropriate toys such as blocks, dress-ups, sand,
     water, paint, clay, and trucks, dolls, etc.  Provide music and
     books.  Provide riding toys and places to climb.
     .  Don't over-schedule.  Children need time to themselves. 
This is important for life.  Provide time to explore nature.
     .  Monitor all TV watching and turn off the TV set often!  Too
much TV hinders children's intellectual and physical growth.
     .  Children liked to be engaged in adults' work.  Let them
help you in the kitchen, help clean the house, and work in the
yard.
     .  Talk to and listen to children.  Answer their questions.
Provide language-enriched experiences such as a visit to the zoo,
a children's museum, or a park.  Always give the correct name of
everything.
     .  Never hit children to control them.  Set reasonable limits
- and appropriate consequences when they are overstepped.  Be clear 
about the limits.  They must be there to protect children both   
physically and emotionally. 
     .  Be consistent.  Inconsistency causes children to feel
insecure.
     Remember Victor Hugo's words:  "The supreme happiness of life
is the conviction that we are loved..." Love your children.  No one
else means more to them than their parents.  You must be their
greatest cheerleaders and each day you should be in awe of all that
your children teach you.  Children put us in touch with our own
inner child.  That is their great gift to humankind.

BETH BRONSIL directs the Montessori teacher education program at
Xavier University, Cincinnati, OH. This article is taken from a
speech she presented in April at a conference on children in
Taiwan.